Republicans and Moderates: I don’t know what we’re going to do about these shootings. It’s a shame about these boys’ mental health.
Democrats: But you won’t pay for their health care and your Saint Reagan closed the mental hospitals and. . .
Moderates: *holds finger up* Ah-ah-ah. Remember we weren’t supposed to talk politics today. Too divisive. Both sides are to blame for where we are.
Shooters: “This attack is a response to the Hispanic invasion of Texas. They are the instigators, not me. I am simply defending my country from cultural and ethnic replacement brought on by an invasion.” (1)
Republicans and Moderates: I just feel sorry for these troubled, obviously mentally ill boys.
Shooters: “I am just a regular White man, from a regular family. Who decided to take a stand to ensure a future for my people.” (2)
Republicans: If we prayed more as a people, this wouldn’t happen.
Shooters: “There has been little done when it comes to defending the European race. As an individual I can only kill so many Jews. . . Although the Jew who is inspired by demons and Satan will attempt to corrupt your soul with the sin and perversion he spews — remember that you are secure in Christ.” (3)
Republicans: Well, I mean, the things he’s saying are clearly not right, but he is talking about Christ, so. Shame about that boy’s mental health.
Republicans & Moderates: But it’s not really about the guns when you think about it, is it? Why do they do this?
Shooters: “To create conflict between the two ideologies within the United States on the ownership of firearms in order to further the social, cultural, political and racial divide within the United states.This conflict over the 2nd amendment and the attempted removal of firearms rights will ultimately result in a civil war that will eventually balkanize the US along political, cultural and, most importantly, racial lines.” (2)
Republicans: There’s nothing to be done I suppose. Guns are essential to our life and identity, and besides, who will protect us from the government without our guns?
Democrats: But you ARE the government! All we’re saying is a little more gun con-
Moderates: Stop playing politics. Both sides are the government, and both sides are to blame for this.
Republicans: You’re being too fair, Moderates. The black identity extremists calling everyone racist, and these women who can’t take a compliment and turn everything into a MeToo lawsuit are the problem. We need to go back to a better time when people weren’t so politically correct. That’s what’s creating this climate of violence.
Shooters: “My orchestration of the Day of Retribution is my attempt to do everything, in my power, to destroy everything I cannot have. All of those beautiful girls I’ve desired so much in my life, but can never have because they despise and loathe me, I will destroy.” (4)
Moderates: I guess we’ll never really know. And I guess things won’t get better until we stop playing politics, stop talking about things that divide us, and move forward.
Republicans: Yes, we have to stop playing politics, give every real American a gun, and back the blue. God bless our troops, our police, and our guns. God bless the real America.
Democrats: *presses face into hands and weeps*
1 — El Paso shooter’s manifesto, 2019
2 — Christchurch shooter’s manifesto, 2019
3 — San Diego Synagogue shooter’s manifesto, 2019
4 — Isla Vista shooter’s manifesto (the “incel”), 2014
Originally published at http://brokenbeatnik.com on August 4, 2019.